Self Improvement and Elitist Mindsets Within “Religious” Practice
Note: I must preface the following with a note. The below article/post was written and published in mid-to-late 2018. I had not yet fully claimed and embraced The Order. The Order was not created except in concept at this time and I was still (kind of) claiming the title of “Satanist”. You can see that the transition is occurring in the writings below but the topic itself is still of merit and worth a read which is why I am posting here.
I’m a heathen, a pagan. I’ve claimed the title “Satanist” since 2009 although I see much less relation or connection to the Church of Satan or the Temple (which is quite frankly a joke, in and of itself, in many ways). I claim the title of a heathen because I do not follow the God of the many, the God that the majority of the masses recognize. I follow my own archetypes, ones that are worthy of actual replication. I follow the footsteps of those myths that resonate with myself and more importantly, represent who I would like to be. Why would demotion = motivation or relate to left-hand-path concepts?
Due to the path I’ve chosen to be on and part of the reason I am on said path, is my inherent elitism. This is an ever changing concept to me. The idea of discovering new concepts and incorporating these into your lifestyle as they become clearer is not new. Recently I’ve come to realize that the idea of being “elite” or working towards that image has very little to do with the world at large. In the modern era of the internet, it is very unlikely that you will be seen as the “best” at very many things. You are after all, competing globally.
Being or seeing yourself as an elitist, for me at least, has much more to do with how I perceive myself. Being elite to me means improvement. It means that yesterday I was shittier than I am today because I am consistently working towards being better. If you are working towards your mission (whatever that may be) then you are on the right path. A recent revelation however, is that if we are to see ourselves as better and reward ourselves even for improvements then we equally must punish. I wouldn’t go so far as self-flagellation (unless that’s your thing), but more in the vein of a reminder of your failures so that you may destroy them and build upon them.
For me, I recently ritualized a demotion. The idea came to me after finding an old black ring. I had ordered it towards the end of my failed marriage as a some weird last ditch effort to renew things (we both got one blah blah blah). I removed my ring displaying the Sigil of Baphomet, and replaced it with this simple black band. It was first out of curiosity to see how it looked and if it still fit properly, but then this idea came forth.
I had been spiraling downward for a few weeks. My apartment was a mess, I was late to work almost every day and was behind on bills including rent. Shit way to be living and had slightly lost direction. I realized that I wasn’t worthy of the symbols I was wearing or trying to embody. I realize I put them on and had worn them for years as a fitting sign of my growth and learning and the process of self improvement. I decided that week to remove my necklace and ring (both containing the Sigil) and replace with the simple black band as a sign of demotion or loss of rank in my own eyes. I had failed myself.
Demotion as Motivation – Moving Forward with Purpose!
People used to recommend tying a string around a finger to remind yourself of something. After being used to my silver Baphomet ring, I was now noticing a difference and that served as a reminder to me. Every time I glanced at that black band I remembered why I was wearing it and how I needed to “buck up” and get back on my own path. My “elitism” isn’t about being better than everyone else but it certainly is about being better than what I had become. There is no doubt in my mind about that. The demotion was the goading I needed to hop back into action.
I’m not sure how many days it took, but eventually I replaced my ring. I have not yet worn the necklace again but might within the next few days. I am currently on a long extended fast, I turned down an offer to “hang out” with a woman (yes, like you assume) and am cleaning my apartment further tonight as I have the last few days. These are small steps but are improvements. You don’t have to make leaps and bounds every day because life isn’t about that. There is no overnight improvement and discipline is the real lesson here.
Sometimes you fail and that is perfectly fine. It is to be expected. You fail and you pick yourself back up. If you aren’t failing now and then, I am guessing that the challenge is actually not severe enough. My challenges of the week might be simple for you, but at the moment I am not competing with the world… just myself. If you have a close-knit tribe that can push you further, these people will often see your failings before you do and offer that extra shove. Until I find mine, I must continue to prod myself whenever I see faltering. In this way I make myself more useful and worthy for those that I might choose to align myself with in the future, or vise-versa.
I must consistently prove myself worthy of my own ideals and archetypes I hold dear, otherwise… why would I ever see myself worthy of a brother’s loyalty or that of a partner?
– Grantévías